the 1-2-3-4
Ben had a long drive to make late last night. As he usually does, he called me as it was getting pretty late so we could take advantage of the opportunity to talk for a bit. We've learned to steal quiet time together whenever we can. As we talked, we shared a little bit of frustration with the difficulty of parenting. We both love our kids, obviously, and love being parents, but every now and then a little bit of griping to the person who shares the job with you is healthy. Right? We were sharing our frustration with the struggle to selflessly place the wants and needs of our children before our own each and every single day- for us, for eleven years now.
Eleven years is a lot of time to let your plate of food get cold while tending to requests for extra ketchup, a napkin, or help with a spilled drink.
It is a lot of time to stay awake when you are tired because your children are not.
It is a lot of time to skip or alter your own social plans to fit their schedules.
It is a lot of time to get a bad night's sleep that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
It is a lot of time to hear "hey, mom!" too many times in one day to count, especially when it repeatedly interrupts whatever you need or want to be doing at that moment. (I have heard it twice since beginning this post.)
Specifically last night, though, we were talking about how it would be nice to be magically off the clock in social settings, and how every single party/ get together/ ball game/ etc. we've attended with kids since becoming parents has involved taking turns- one getting a chance to enjoy things for a bit while the other meets all the requests for a drink, help in the restroom, a push on the swing, etc. One parent gets a tease of a chance to visit with other adults and enjoy the scene before the abrupt hand off. You know the saying that a vacation with young kids is not truly a vacation? I can say with complete sincerity that a party with young kids is not truly a party. There are too many repeated quick head counts ("1-2-3-4…okay, everyone's good…) to really just relax and enjoy yourself. I love my kids, but give me a choice between a party with them and a party without them and I will always choose a party without them. It's the only way I get to fully enjoy the party myself.
I know you fellow parents of little ones know exactly what I am talking about.
Friday night we camped with friends. There were six adults, a campfire, and beer. It should have been the recipe for a perfect night. Instead, all six adults were constantly, constantly pulled away for requests from kids. One parent spent half the night walking to and from the campground bathroom with her potty training two year old.
Saturday night we went to fireworks with a group of friends and family. There was a time in my life (and there will be again, I fully recognize) when this would mean sitting on a blanket with Ben and enjoying the show. This year it meant repeated requests for food, a wiggly- over tired- sometimes crying three year old on my lap, a hit on the head with a glow stick, and a hard walk back to Hank in a dark crowded parking lot with four kids in tow. I am glad we went, but the enjoyment of the evening was theirs, not ours.
We joined friends last night for the birthday party of our friends Shannon and Scott. The party was held at Tilles Park during a night of live music and food trucks. There were many of us there and in theory, it should have been a perfect evening to sit and visit with friends while the kids played next to us on the playground. The reality (for us, anyway) was not as much time to visit as we had hoped. I did enjoy the snippets of conversation I had with my friends at the party, but for the most part, we were all chasing and feeding and bathrooming our kids. For the ninety minutes we were at the party, I enjoyed maybe fifteen minutes of conversation with other adults, if you lined up all of the little snippets of conversation I had into one continuous conversation.
As one friend was leaving the party, she came over to say hello and goodbye at the same time. We had been at the same small party for an hour at that point with our lawn blankets no less than ten feet from each other and all we had had a chance to say was hello. While talking to her- for all of three minutes total- Katie wandered away from the main playground area where all of the kids were and gave me a bit of a scare. (Not that she was in any danger, but it is a terrifying feeling to not know where your three year old is with so very many people around. She had seen swings and was trying to figure out how to get to them.) Ben had been talking to his cousin and I had been talking to my friend and we both just went off the clock for a moment, unfortunately at the same moment.
At the end of our evening, I was trying to talk to a friend about the kindergarten letters that came in the mail yesterday. I wanted to enjoy conversation with her, but Katie was d.o.n.e. and had other plans. (Ahhh, three is such a fun age sometimes.) Ben and Gracie had just visited the food trucks for our dessert and rather than sitting down on our blanket to enjoy them, I was tending to the tantrum of a very tired and hot little girl. I think I got two hurried bites of the slice of strawberry rhubarb pie Ben got for me. We left very shortly afterwards.
I share this not to martyr myself, but just to say and share with you fellow parents that parenting is hard, isn't it? Nobody told me how hard the day to day to day to day would be, or if they did, I didn't hear them. I know that as our children get older, things will continue to get easier. I realize that I may very well miss this stage once it is over, though that seems like a crazy thought at this moment.
I leave you with the two pictures I managed to get last night- one as we were arriving at the party and one right before we left. This is, by the way, how I gage how much I was able to relax at a party. If I was in a cool setting and managed less than a handful of pictures, this says something.
Happy Birthday, Shannon and Scott. Thank you for including us in your evening. I hope the year ahead brings you both much happiness!
Eleven years is a lot of time to let your plate of food get cold while tending to requests for extra ketchup, a napkin, or help with a spilled drink.
It is a lot of time to stay awake when you are tired because your children are not.
It is a lot of time to skip or alter your own social plans to fit their schedules.
It is a lot of time to get a bad night's sleep that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
It is a lot of time to hear "hey, mom!" too many times in one day to count, especially when it repeatedly interrupts whatever you need or want to be doing at that moment. (I have heard it twice since beginning this post.)
Specifically last night, though, we were talking about how it would be nice to be magically off the clock in social settings, and how every single party/ get together/ ball game/ etc. we've attended with kids since becoming parents has involved taking turns- one getting a chance to enjoy things for a bit while the other meets all the requests for a drink, help in the restroom, a push on the swing, etc. One parent gets a tease of a chance to visit with other adults and enjoy the scene before the abrupt hand off. You know the saying that a vacation with young kids is not truly a vacation? I can say with complete sincerity that a party with young kids is not truly a party. There are too many repeated quick head counts ("1-2-3-4…okay, everyone's good…) to really just relax and enjoy yourself. I love my kids, but give me a choice between a party with them and a party without them and I will always choose a party without them. It's the only way I get to fully enjoy the party myself.
I know you fellow parents of little ones know exactly what I am talking about.
Friday night we camped with friends. There were six adults, a campfire, and beer. It should have been the recipe for a perfect night. Instead, all six adults were constantly, constantly pulled away for requests from kids. One parent spent half the night walking to and from the campground bathroom with her potty training two year old.
Saturday night we went to fireworks with a group of friends and family. There was a time in my life (and there will be again, I fully recognize) when this would mean sitting on a blanket with Ben and enjoying the show. This year it meant repeated requests for food, a wiggly- over tired- sometimes crying three year old on my lap, a hit on the head with a glow stick, and a hard walk back to Hank in a dark crowded parking lot with four kids in tow. I am glad we went, but the enjoyment of the evening was theirs, not ours.
We joined friends last night for the birthday party of our friends Shannon and Scott. The party was held at Tilles Park during a night of live music and food trucks. There were many of us there and in theory, it should have been a perfect evening to sit and visit with friends while the kids played next to us on the playground. The reality (for us, anyway) was not as much time to visit as we had hoped. I did enjoy the snippets of conversation I had with my friends at the party, but for the most part, we were all chasing and feeding and bathrooming our kids. For the ninety minutes we were at the party, I enjoyed maybe fifteen minutes of conversation with other adults, if you lined up all of the little snippets of conversation I had into one continuous conversation.
As one friend was leaving the party, she came over to say hello and goodbye at the same time. We had been at the same small party for an hour at that point with our lawn blankets no less than ten feet from each other and all we had had a chance to say was hello. While talking to her- for all of three minutes total- Katie wandered away from the main playground area where all of the kids were and gave me a bit of a scare. (Not that she was in any danger, but it is a terrifying feeling to not know where your three year old is with so very many people around. She had seen swings and was trying to figure out how to get to them.) Ben had been talking to his cousin and I had been talking to my friend and we both just went off the clock for a moment, unfortunately at the same moment.
At the end of our evening, I was trying to talk to a friend about the kindergarten letters that came in the mail yesterday. I wanted to enjoy conversation with her, but Katie was d.o.n.e. and had other plans. (Ahhh, three is such a fun age sometimes.) Ben and Gracie had just visited the food trucks for our dessert and rather than sitting down on our blanket to enjoy them, I was tending to the tantrum of a very tired and hot little girl. I think I got two hurried bites of the slice of strawberry rhubarb pie Ben got for me. We left very shortly afterwards.
I share this not to martyr myself, but just to say and share with you fellow parents that parenting is hard, isn't it? Nobody told me how hard the day to day to day to day would be, or if they did, I didn't hear them. I know that as our children get older, things will continue to get easier. I realize that I may very well miss this stage once it is over, though that seems like a crazy thought at this moment.
I leave you with the two pictures I managed to get last night- one as we were arriving at the party and one right before we left. This is, by the way, how I gage how much I was able to relax at a party. If I was in a cool setting and managed less than a handful of pictures, this says something.
Happy Birthday, Shannon and Scott. Thank you for including us in your evening. I hope the year ahead brings you both much happiness!
Comments
Sally
The daily wear and tear lessons, but the worrying only increases!