{French mom vs. Super Mom}

So a little inspired by the book I am currently reading, I tried to be a little "French" in my parenting style this morning, but Super Mom kind of got in my way.

First, I really feel like I should start by saying that I am not recommending this book. It was an interesting read, but not anything that changed my life. Much of it seemed to bash "American" parenting. To paraphrase most of the book, Pamela Druckerman feels that American women are guilty of hyper-parenting and of shedding their identity as women to become mothers. She pokes fun at stay at home moms. She criticizes the way that American mothers let their lives revolve around being mothers.  She even ridicules the way that the typical American mother dresses and looks. 

In contrast, the author says that French mothers have a healthier balance in their lives and are better at making children a part of their lives without consuming their lives. She paints this picture of problem free parenting- French babies sleep through the night by four months, French children don't whine, French children can entertain themselves for long stretches of time, French children have perfect manners, French women lose their baby weight by the time the baby is three months old, French women feel no guilt about returning to work when their babies are three months old, French parents frequently take time for themselves with no guilt, French women keep their relationships with the husbands as their number one priority, etc. etc. 

In short, she feels the French have this parenting thing all figured out. 

I took most of the book with a grain of salt. Certain passages actually made me a little annoyed. Some passages, though, did make me pause and think. The book's recurring message to American women seems to be this- You do not have to sacrifice every aspect of yourself to be a good mother. Your life should not revolve around your children and if you make your life revolve around your children, you will raise self centered children. You are doing yourself, your husband, and your children a disservice if you throw off the balance of the family by placing too much emphasis on meeting the needs of the children before meeting the needs of the adults int he family.

Interesting ideas and not ones that I disagree with, just ones that I don't always practice. Like many of the moms that I know, I sometimes struggle with balance in my life. It is too easy to make my life all about the kids, all of the time. I somehow have turned "stay at home mom" into "my life revolves around my kids and their activities and I feel a little guilty if I want to take time for my own interests." Not sure when this happened, but it is something I am working on. 

The author is quick to point out the many ways that American mothers are guilty of "serving" their children 24/7. Take,  for example, her observations of a park in France versus a park in the U.S.  On a playground in France, you would see the children playing in the middle of the playground with mothers sitting at the perimeter reading a book or having a conversation with other adults. The parents are relaxed and enjoying the experience just as much as the children, but the adults and the children are having separate experiences. The author pokes fun at American mothers, saying that at a park in the States, you would see mothers shadowing their children constantly. She says American mothers can't even let their children play without interfering.

Reading this reminded me of a blog post I read not too long ago where a gazillion moms got all bent out of shape debating with one another whether it was bad parenting to be on your phone while at the park or at a sports activity with your kids.  I remember thinking at the time, "OK, so it is not enough to spend your night at your child's gymnastics class, but you have to sit and watch the whole thing too? It's not good enough to take your children to the park, but you have to be on the playground equipment with them too?" I wonder why I feel the pressure to spend every moment on and with my kids. 

This morning I took Luke, Drew, and Katie to the park for a while after we dropped Gracie off at drama camp. The chapter I just read comparing the two park scenes must have struck a chord with me because as we were leaving the house, I grabbed a new magazine that came in the mail yesterday and put some coffee in my travel mug.  We got to the park and I found a bench in the shade right near a safe toddler area for Katie to play. The kids started having fun. Rather than shadowing Katie as I tend to do, I pulled out my magazine and my coffee and decided to be a French parent for a little while.

Everything was just great for about ten minutes. The kids were having a great time and so was I, just enjoying the magazine, the coffee, and the pretty morning. I felt great about giving the kids a little freedom. 

And then a darn Super Mom shows up at the park and ruins my chill morning. She's got four kids with her and they are all. over. the. place, but she is keeping up with them. She's pushing this child, then darting over to help this child swing on monkey bars, then helping this child do a pull up. She's laughing and talking with her kids and then with mine. Everything they say, she has a laugh or funny comeback for. Before I know it, she and Drew are having a conversation about our vacation to Michigan. No exaggeration, in a matter of moments, she has organized some sort of standing-on-one-leg challenge involving three of her kids and two of mine. I am observing it all and starting to feel like a hands-off mom because I have the nerve to sit on the bench with a magazine instead of playing too. 

This mother is 1000% engaged and appears as if her purpose in life this morning is to make sure her kids have an awesome morning at the park and she makes me feel like a slacker. 

She completely ruins my ability to just chill out at the park. I somehow feel guilty even though I am not sure why.  I quickly return to the realm of American mothering and spend the rest of our time at the park following the kids from one activity to another.