I feel like I am a ticking time bomb.

For someone who likes everything planned out, the unknown of labor is hard to take. Where will I be when I go into labor? Where will Gracie and Luke be? Will Ben be nearby or will it happen while he is meeting with a dealer an hour away? Will my water break or will contractions cause me to leave for the hospital? What if Gracie is at kindergarten? What if Luke is at preschool? Will I have plenty of time or will things move quickly since this is a third pregnancy?

It is all of these questions that cause me worry right now, not so much the actual labor itself. After going through it twice now, I feel like I know what to expect (knock on wood). It's the time between right now and when I arrive at the hospital causing me anxiety.

The calendar says I have three and a half weeks to go before my due date. My body and doctor are giving hints that I could go before then. My Braxton-Hicks contractions are becoming more frequent and stronger and my OB checked me today and said I am almost 2 cm. dilated.

Unfortunately, this doesn't mean much in terms of helping me know when he'll be joining us. It could mean that we meet him this week sometime. It could mean that we will see him in four weeks.

My other two pregnancies ended so differently that they don't offer clues either. Gracie was born at 38 weeks. My water broke the day after her OB said I still had at least ten days to go. Luke was the opposite- he started showing signs that he was ready beginning at my 36 week appointment. I was 3 cm. dilated with him for weeks. Each week at my appointment for three weeks in a row, the OB told me his arrival would be any day. He ultimately had to be induced.

At my appointment today, I requested that Dr. Priddy not make any kind of predictions with me. I told her how my last OB made those final three weeks seem to last an eternity. She agreed that nobody can really know and that each baby will arrive when he is ready, and not a moment sooner or later.

I told her that I was not quite ready for him yet because I really want to get Gracie started at kindergarten and Luke started at preschool in two weeks and then have this major change in our family. I just want to take one thing at a time. As if I actually get to decide!

To end a long and hopefully not- too -rambling of a post, please send prayers and wishes our way for a healthy delivery of a healthy baby boy with healthy kidneys- whenever he decides to arrive. Thank you.

Comments

Uncle Faye said…
Leslie,
Everything thing will work out just fine. Try to enjoy you last few days or weeks of RELAXING!!!
Anonymous said…
if anyone can handle all of these stressfull events at the same time, it is you. I am sure that everything will work out fine and i will pray that he decides to come the weekend after the kids start school on a saturday morning when family can be in town to help with the kids and some of your worries are behind you. It will be incredible whenever it happens. We love you!!!!
Erin, Chad, and Addison
I started to tear up when I read your post because I know absolutely, exactly how you are feeling right now. I am a big planner...ever notice that? And especially with Will, I worried about the same things...when, where, how long, who will be here to help and on and on. It's so different when you have a couple of little ones at home and you're a mix of excitement, dread (labor!)and guilt (How could I ever love another one as much as these two?)

But you know what? It will all work out, although probably not the way you are anticipating. Plan as much as you can and keep on keep'n on and know you have many kindred spirits who can totally relate to your panic. I agree with Erin, if anyone can handle it, you can.

We will keep all of you in our thoughts and prayers and we are so excited to meet this little nameless baby!! We love you guys :-)
Anonymous said…
There's definitely a lot of exciting things happening in your life right now. Try to relax and enjoy them (I know, easier said than done). Take a deep breath and take one day at a time. The Millers are sending you lots of happy thoughts and hugs from St. Louis! :)

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