{Parenting is humbling.}

Parenting is pretty humbling at times, isn't it?

Just when I start to think that I just may, after eight years of practice, be getting the hang of this gig, someone puts me right back in my place. :)

Sprinkled throughout a pretty typical summer day today were some really nice moments. Like catching Drew kissing Kate's toes. Or hearing Luke say to Drew, "I'll miss you when I go back to school." Or sewing with Gracie while wearing Kate in my Moby and having Luke walk in and say, "All three girls are sewing!" Or Drew telling me that his bug bite hurt because he was so hungry. Or seeing the creative costuming of magicians Drew and Luke. Or giggling with Gracie over "Ramona's World." The list could go on.

But despite these nice moments, the moment from today I can't stop thinking about wasn't quite so pretty. Doesn't it suck that a rough half an hour can pretty much erase the other twenty-three and a half hours in your day?

Tonight we had been at Gracie's gym for an hour- not really the boys' favorite place to be and the second time this week that we'd been there. It was hot in the viewing area and more crowded than usual. Drew was exhausted and showing me all of the signs that a meltdown was approaching. (He had not napped, so by 7:00 he was ready for bed.) Kate was still not feeling well and just wasn't happy. By the time class ended, Drew was very, very unhappy with life. I felt frazzled watching the clock and waiting for Gracie's class to come to the lobby.

Of all of the nights, her class ran ten minutes over tonight, and Drew was d-o-n-e, done. Done. Done. Done.

I was trying to get us all out to the car, but Drew was flat out refusing to move. The little stinker planted his bottom under the counter and would not budge. He wanted me to carry him, but I couldn't because I had Katie in my arms. I tried everything I could think of to say, "Drew, let's go home, OK? Let's go check on Puppy and read one of your new books......Let's go home and take a bath.....Let's walk out to the van together and you can unlock the doors for me...." and so on. I tried getting stern as well, but he was just an over-tired, irrational two year old and would not be reasoned with.
When I realized I couldn't safely grab him without the risk of dropping Katie and that my words were completely ineffective, I really wasn't sure what else to do. The car was too far away to walk Katie out and then come back to get Drew. I didn't know anyone else in the lobby and Gracie's teacher was nowhere to be seen. Desperate, I started to walk out the gym door, thinking that Drew might get upset and follow me, but he just began to scream louder.

People were looking at us- the nice ones with sympathy, a couple not-so-nice ones without. Remember that humbling part of parenting I mentioned? This was completely, 100% as humbling as anything I've ever experienced. I was that mom- the mom who had no control over her situation with a completely irrational child.

One of the fathers in the lobby said, "Would you like me to help?" I gratefully nodded and he picked Drew up and started walking out of the building with me. Drew's tantrum escalated when he realized he was being carried by a stranger, so the man put him down. It was helpful that Drew was at least now with me and not under the counter where I couldn't reach him.  Drew clung to me fiercely and I had no choice but to pick him up too.

I shake my head right now imagining how we must have looked. Drew was crying, Katie was crying, I had the worst grip on Drew as I tried to carry his wiggling body across the parking lot with one hand while holding a crying newborn against me with the other hand. I was overwhelmed and fighting back a couple of tears of my own. It was a long walk to our car.

And then the fun continued both as we drove home to crying (Katie and Drew) and as I got Drew ready for bed while nursing Katie. (Can you put pajamas and a diaper on a squirmy two year old with one hand? I now know that I can. Oh, the things we discover...) I just might have been cursing Ben's job a little under my breath for having him travel so much this week.

It wasn't until I had all four kids tucked into bed that I could really reflect on the situation. It won't leave my mind, but I still don't have any profound thoughts on it- just that it sucked. But sometimes parenting does. You try to do things right, but life still gets a little hairy.

I don't share this to get any sort of sympathy, and I certainly don't share it because I'm proud of it. I share it because it is real life and it is on my mind. I am striving to be open on this blog, to document our daily life as it really exists. Our life is so far from perfect, but I still love it.

I would love it more without the tantrums, but what can you do?

So, if you feel so inclined, you'd make my night (or day) by sharing a frazzled parenting story of your own. Or, if you don't feel like sharing, just make me a promise that the next time you see a child throwing a crazy tantrum out in public, you will show a little compassion to the situation.

I'll leave you with a funnier Drew story-

We were driving to the library this morning and out of the blue, Drew said, "Hey! I'm not actually choking right now.  pause  And I will not poop in my pants, OK?"   OK, Drew. Good to know :)

Comments

Chad said…
I can't think of one incedent, but you have just described the last 2 months with Addi. Everyday she has multiple melt downs. It doesn't matter what fun we just had, movie, dance, or a visit with grandparents. It's always something, need a show, want to se t next to mommy, didn't give someone one last hug. Luckily for me, can't speak for Erin, all our melt downs are away from the public view. I feel you pain!!
Erin said…
Sorry in advance for the chapter I am about to write, but you completely struck a cord. I want to start by saying that you are an amazing mom and we all have those moments. Just yesterday morning I was opening the infant room at the daycare with one other staff member, four young babies, Emmy and Addi and trying to make the schedule for the next few days. I usually get the room under control, greet the parents, and wait for the next staff member to arrive so I can go down to the office. Addi was just having one of those mornings where nothing I did was right. "She didn't get all her sleep out." "She didn't want to wear any of the outfits I laid on her chair." "She didn't want to mix match any of the outfits I laid on her chair." "She didn't want any of the breakfast options I gave her." "She wanted me to play with her instead of doing the mommy jobs I had to do." So I finally got her busy coloring on the floor as I am trying to juggle everything--now Emmy does not want me to set her down to get another baby because she has just moved classrooms and misses being around me (she cries every time I set her down or leave the room). I almost finish the schedule and greet the next few parents and I get a parent phone call about graduation this friday night. I am holding Emmy, watching Addison and the other infants, writing the schedule, talking on the phone, smiling at the parents coming in, and my staff member who is suppose to be my relief is late. I have a new staff member that is arriving any moment and I need to get this room under control and get Addi to her class and post the schedule for the day--all which I came in even earlier than 6:30 to do but Addison clearly was not going to let that happen. So then of course the speaker beeps--"Erin--Katy is up here and she says she is supposed to be starting in the daycare this morning." I say OK tell her to have a seat and I will be right out--which apparently sounds like please send her down to this chaotic frazzled mess. So I finish the phone call, greet the parents waiting, hand Emmy off to the other staff member, and tell Addi it is time to go to her class because I have to go out front. "BUT I AM NOT DONE WITH MY PICTURE" I am sorry Addi I should have given you a better warning but mommy has to go up front right now someone is waiting for me--I will save it and you can color it later ok? "BUT I WASNT DONE WITH THIS YET" So I pick up the crayons and the paper and place them in the cabinet and grab her hand and tell her we have to go. Right then the new employee is standing outside of the door with the code on it and as I open the door Addison is very upset over what has just happened. So I am smiling and trying to calm Addi down and welcoming this new person to Discovery Depot and I tell her to follow me while I drop Addi off. I get her under control and kiss her and send her off to start her day and as I am giving Katy the tour of the center, I am forgetting that Emmy has probably just calmed down from me leaving the room. I open the door and Emmy cries so I pick her up and the new girl--who does not have any children of her own yet goes "Oh is that one yours too?" I just laughed and smiled and said Yes she is. So my point is yesterday I went in early trying to beat all of that chaos and it only got worse. Do the best you can do in the moment and every day is a new challenge.
Allie said…
Sorry you had a tough day, Mama!
Hollis could throw tamtrums like nobody's business. In fact, when I was reading this post, my stomach started to knot up in remembering all the doozies she had in public places!
I don't have to tell you this..but it does end. As much as I love being a parent, I don't think I was ever happier to say "good riddence and don't let the door hit you on the way out" to the 2 year old tantrums.
But maybe we will be yearning for the 2 year old tantrums when they turn 16 and are throwing fits for other reasons??-
Hang in there..you are doing your best... and really, that is all you can do. The rest is out of our hands!!
Love ya.
a
Kelly said…
I felt frazzled just reading your post. There's nothing worse than feeling completely out of control...though it's the reality of being a parent. And I hate just feeling the judgement of others when out in public. Sometimes I feel like I need to justify why a situation is happening which is ridiculous. I don't owe anyone (especially strangers) an explanation. Kids are kids and they have different moods just like adults...unfortunately, their moods just take on many different forms. :) Here's our story,
We were driving the other day and the girls were crying. Not crying. Screaming. Caleb then decided to yell at the top of his lungs, "MOM, CAN YOU PLEASE TURN THE RADIO UP? I CAN'T HEAR IT!" I am pretty sure we arrived at out destination much quicker than we should have that day.
Lisa said…
Leslie, your are a great mother and are doing your very best all the time. We all have the moments we want to take back and try again.

I read this blog post for the first time right before bed last night on my phone and shortly after I washed Connor's lips with baby soap:( He has been saying "I won't be a part of this family" when he doesn't get his way. I have told him that wasn't nice, I've done time out, I've taken toys away and I've had a heart to heart about how that hurts my feeling and makes me sad---all with no success. Where did he even hear that?? So as a last resort I told him I would wash his mouth out if he talked like that again....I hated having to stick to my word last night!! I washed his lips (I COULD NOT REALLY put soap in his mouth, it just seemed sooo wrong!!). He was VERY upset and when asked about it today, seemed to remember it very clearly.

Then tonight, at 9:45pm, because we can't seem to make it to bed on time this week, I fought wiht him over and over about getting in bed and being quiet. This went on forever!!

"Connor get in bed, it is late and you need to go to sleep"

"Mom, can I have my gate open?"
"Yes, go to sleep"
Mom, I need a drink"
"Here, go to bed!"...Worlds smallest sip of water given!! I've changed his bed twice this week at 3am.

"Mom, I need to tell you something"
"Connor, I NEED YOU TO GO TO BED AND STOP TALKING AND GO TO SLEEP!!!"

"Mom, my radio is singing about God and I really like it."

"I like that too, Connor, good night:)"

In two seconds I went from wanting to pull my hair out about bed time, to wanting to snuggle up with him and embrace his sweet innocence.

Motherhood is such a rollercoaster of emotions on a daily basis. Its the sweet smiles and unexpected comments that get you through cleaning food off the floor for the 8th time that day!! :)
Uncle Faye said…
Wow I'm really glad I'm just a grandma now!

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