endless & exhausting
Drew got invited to go to a 7:15 Cardinals game tonight. I reluctantly said yes. This is a BIIIIG deal. One father is taking three kindergarten boys to a night game that starts when Drew is usually getting his pajamas on.
It requires a lot of trust to allow this parent, not a close friend of mine by any means- we've had maybe four conversations, to take my child to such a busy, public place. I have to trust that he will not lose my child. I have to trust that he will make sure my child is being safe. I have to trust that he will not let my child go find a restroom by himself. I have to trust that he will not let my child get lost. I have to trust that he will make sure my child is careful when exiting the stadium and walking around downtown STL on a dark Friday night.
Drew hasn't yet gained the common sense that comes with age. He doesn't always remember, for example, to look both ways before crossing a street. He is always more into whatever is going on in his head than he is with the environment around him. It would be completely and 100% in character for Drew to be so into laughing with his friends that he steps right into a busy road.
It was hard to say yes when we got the invitation and it is hard to relax about it now that the day has arrived.
It is so damn hard to trust other people with my children. When you allow someone to have your child, you risk the carelessness of someone else causing harm to the something you treasure more than anything else in life. My life as a parent is full of these little moments of letting go and trusting and it is not getting any easier.
Yesterday we had a new situation that took me out of my comfort zone. We are carpooling with another family to a camp that Luke is doing this week. Yesterday he got a ride home at noon. I looked out the window as he was being dropped off and saw the sixteen year old sister of Luke's friend was the driver. This made my stomach drop. I didn't think to make sure that it was a parent driving, I just assumed. This teen may be an okay driver, but I don't know. I just don't feel comfortable with a brand new teen driver driving my child, especially without my consent.
Gracie went off to camp a couple of weeks ago. We left her in the care of a teenage counselor for the week. I had a bit of a moment looking into the young face of Blue (her name didn't comfort me) and knowing she was the one who was supposed to protect my daughter for a week away from me.
It is an endless and exhausting process, this gradual gaining of freedom that the kids have to do.
It requires a lot of trust to allow this parent, not a close friend of mine by any means- we've had maybe four conversations, to take my child to such a busy, public place. I have to trust that he will not lose my child. I have to trust that he will make sure my child is being safe. I have to trust that he will not let my child go find a restroom by himself. I have to trust that he will not let my child get lost. I have to trust that he will make sure my child is careful when exiting the stadium and walking around downtown STL on a dark Friday night.
Drew hasn't yet gained the common sense that comes with age. He doesn't always remember, for example, to look both ways before crossing a street. He is always more into whatever is going on in his head than he is with the environment around him. It would be completely and 100% in character for Drew to be so into laughing with his friends that he steps right into a busy road.
It was hard to say yes when we got the invitation and it is hard to relax about it now that the day has arrived.
It is so damn hard to trust other people with my children. When you allow someone to have your child, you risk the carelessness of someone else causing harm to the something you treasure more than anything else in life. My life as a parent is full of these little moments of letting go and trusting and it is not getting any easier.
Yesterday we had a new situation that took me out of my comfort zone. We are carpooling with another family to a camp that Luke is doing this week. Yesterday he got a ride home at noon. I looked out the window as he was being dropped off and saw the sixteen year old sister of Luke's friend was the driver. This made my stomach drop. I didn't think to make sure that it was a parent driving, I just assumed. This teen may be an okay driver, but I don't know. I just don't feel comfortable with a brand new teen driver driving my child, especially without my consent.
Gracie went off to camp a couple of weeks ago. We left her in the care of a teenage counselor for the week. I had a bit of a moment looking into the young face of Blue (her name didn't comfort me) and knowing she was the one who was supposed to protect my daughter for a week away from me.
It is an endless and exhausting process, this gradual gaining of freedom that the kids have to do.
Comments
When the kids are with me, I am so aware that I have extra precious cargo that I am uber careful. I can only imagine that the Dad will feel the same way and be more careful with extra kids than he is even with his own. When Barb's kids were little, she was worn out from their constant needs. I had older kids then, teenagers who were stressing me in different ways. I remember telling her to enjoy that time, she knew where they were and what they were doing!
Roots and wings - that is what you are giving them. Parenting is hard. You are doing a great job.