surrounded by love
We've been surrounded by love during this difficult time of saying goodbye to Paul.
I am so touched as I reflect over the past week. What a week it has been. I sit here on this Saturday night, having just returned from Decatur, and realize with a little bit of surprise that it was just one week ago that we were driving home from our family vacation, completely oblivious to the sad days we had just ahead of us. On that day one week ago, we knew that Paul had been in the hospital for a couple of days, but we did not know how bad things were. When Ben had talked to his mom the day before, it had seemed like things were starting to improve. Ben was looking forward to driving to Decatur to spend the day with him that next day. We so didn't understand the severity of the situation that I remember us deciding that after their many hours in the car, we would wait to take the kids to visit Paul this weekend instead of that next day.
When we had been in Decatur the weekend prior, we would not have predicted that it would be our last visit with Paul. In some ways I wish we could have known so that we could have let it all sink in and could have really savored our last moments with him, but I also realize the pain of that would have been so very hard to take.
I want to remember the last moments that I did have with Paul even if there was nothing all that special about them. I had driven the kids to Decatur for an overnight visit. The kids and Paul and Patti and I were sitting around their kitchen table catching up. We talked about our upcoming trip and Paul shared a story about a road trip that he had taken with his family as a young boy. We talked about Bear's new escape tactics through my parents' fence and he offered some materials he had in his garage to save my mom a trip to Farm and Fleet. He was always wanting to help. He asked about our bathroom renovation project and we both complimented Ben's hard work. He offered us all Juicy Fruit gum. Katie made him Playdoh pies and kept bringing him things to pretend eat as we talked.
When it was time for me to leave to get back to St. Louis for the Trane Dealer Meeting, he had already moved to his chair in the living room to rest and catch his breath a bit. Patti was helping Katie in another room and the older three kids were playing a word tile game at the kitchen table. I gave Paul a brief hug goodbye and said my last words to him, "Thanks for watching these monsters tonight." He smiled and responded that he had been looking forward to it. I kissed the kids goodbye and left the Hedenberg house. I had no way of knowing that I would never speak to Paul again.
Just typing that makes me tear up again. The finality of death just takes my breath away.
On a little bit happier of a note, though, something I've been reminded of over the past few days is this- I have wonderful people in my life.
I've been reminded that, to quote Ben, "good friends make bad times a little better."
I've been reminded that when it boils down to it, the only thing that really matters in this world is love and the way that we treat one another and oh, how we have been treated wonderfully. The friends who attended the visitation and funeral (some driving in from out of state)..... the warm texts and emails and Facebook messages...... the cards in the mail waiting for us when we returned tonight.... the flowers sent to the funeral home.... the friends and relatives who filled Patti's home all day and night Friday so she/we could be surrounded with stories and laughter and love...... the friends who stepped in to cover for Ben and for me at work this week...... my sweet sister and brother in law who watched our kids and gave wonderful support and wisdom..... my brother who drove in from Evansville and was a tremendous help in too many ways to name....... two dear friends who made a meal for us the night after we received the news..... the neighbors who heard the news and immediately called to see what they could do to help us..... my parents who have been such a source of love and strength and help for us that I just can't imagine the past week without their help...... the frequent hugs and hand holding and "I love you's" shared by Ben's family this week as we all tried to help one another through it......
I could go on and on and on and on. People are good and we are blessed with some extra good people in our world. I feel these words don't do all of the emotions and thoughts I'm feeling justice, but I wanted to share them anyway. Maybe I could have just expressed the same sentiment by sharing the few pictures I took this week--
I am so touched as I reflect over the past week. What a week it has been. I sit here on this Saturday night, having just returned from Decatur, and realize with a little bit of surprise that it was just one week ago that we were driving home from our family vacation, completely oblivious to the sad days we had just ahead of us. On that day one week ago, we knew that Paul had been in the hospital for a couple of days, but we did not know how bad things were. When Ben had talked to his mom the day before, it had seemed like things were starting to improve. Ben was looking forward to driving to Decatur to spend the day with him that next day. We so didn't understand the severity of the situation that I remember us deciding that after their many hours in the car, we would wait to take the kids to visit Paul this weekend instead of that next day.
When we had been in Decatur the weekend prior, we would not have predicted that it would be our last visit with Paul. In some ways I wish we could have known so that we could have let it all sink in and could have really savored our last moments with him, but I also realize the pain of that would have been so very hard to take.
I want to remember the last moments that I did have with Paul even if there was nothing all that special about them. I had driven the kids to Decatur for an overnight visit. The kids and Paul and Patti and I were sitting around their kitchen table catching up. We talked about our upcoming trip and Paul shared a story about a road trip that he had taken with his family as a young boy. We talked about Bear's new escape tactics through my parents' fence and he offered some materials he had in his garage to save my mom a trip to Farm and Fleet. He was always wanting to help. He asked about our bathroom renovation project and we both complimented Ben's hard work. He offered us all Juicy Fruit gum. Katie made him Playdoh pies and kept bringing him things to pretend eat as we talked.
When it was time for me to leave to get back to St. Louis for the Trane Dealer Meeting, he had already moved to his chair in the living room to rest and catch his breath a bit. Patti was helping Katie in another room and the older three kids were playing a word tile game at the kitchen table. I gave Paul a brief hug goodbye and said my last words to him, "Thanks for watching these monsters tonight." He smiled and responded that he had been looking forward to it. I kissed the kids goodbye and left the Hedenberg house. I had no way of knowing that I would never speak to Paul again.
Just typing that makes me tear up again. The finality of death just takes my breath away.
On a little bit happier of a note, though, something I've been reminded of over the past few days is this- I have wonderful people in my life.
I've been reminded that, to quote Ben, "good friends make bad times a little better."
I've been reminded that when it boils down to it, the only thing that really matters in this world is love and the way that we treat one another and oh, how we have been treated wonderfully. The friends who attended the visitation and funeral (some driving in from out of state)..... the warm texts and emails and Facebook messages...... the cards in the mail waiting for us when we returned tonight.... the flowers sent to the funeral home.... the friends and relatives who filled Patti's home all day and night Friday so she/we could be surrounded with stories and laughter and love...... the friends who stepped in to cover for Ben and for me at work this week...... my sweet sister and brother in law who watched our kids and gave wonderful support and wisdom..... my brother who drove in from Evansville and was a tremendous help in too many ways to name....... two dear friends who made a meal for us the night after we received the news..... the neighbors who heard the news and immediately called to see what they could do to help us..... my parents who have been such a source of love and strength and help for us that I just can't imagine the past week without their help...... the frequent hugs and hand holding and "I love you's" shared by Ben's family this week as we all tried to help one another through it......
I could go on and on and on and on. People are good and we are blessed with some extra good people in our world. I feel these words don't do all of the emotions and thoughts I'm feeling justice, but I wanted to share them anyway. Maybe I could have just expressed the same sentiment by sharing the few pictures I took this week--
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| lifelong friends |
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| camouflage ties for Papa |
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| So proud of the strength these two showed this week. |
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| This picture says it all. |
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| a second generation of friends playing together in the yard after the funeral |
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| love. |
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| no words. |
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| so thankful for our friendship of 37 years. love this girl like a sister. |
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| cousin fun Chad thinks watching them was like having the ability to see Erin and I playing together as little girls. |
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| two of my favorite men in the world |
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| oh, sweet little Paige. |
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| I loved seeing these siblings together. |
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| the pallbearers |
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| all of Ben's cousins (and a photo bombing little kindergartener) |
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| we all love Taylor. |
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| sharing a drink after the visitation |
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| so blessed by these friendships. This group, along with those not pictured- Erin, Meggie, Scott, Casie, and Drew- surrounded us with love this weekend. |
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