sitting the fence
I've gotten a couple of emails asking what happened next with the weird parents-as-subs situation at Gracie's school and it seems much easier to share a quick update here- especially when so many of you were nice enough to share your opinions on the matter.
I woke up really early Wednesday morning and composed a response that I hoped to be very calm and professional. I said that I had given her response much thought and that I still had concerns about placing parent volunteers in charge of a class of students for an entire morning. I explained each of my concerns and asked for the reasoning behind using parents instead of hiring substitutes. I asked if using volunteers as substitutes was common practice at the school. I disagreed with her statement that the parent volunteers have been well trained in the expectations of the school by pointing out that I was asked to sub on three days notice and had received no training whatsoever. I tried very hard to keep all emotion out of my response, even though the patronizing tone of her email had really irritated me.
The principal sent a response almost immediately, saying nothing more than, "Thank you for your response. Should you wish to share additional concerns, please contact the school secretary to set up a time when we can discuss this further. If you would like to leave your daughter home from school this morning, please let me know. Thank you." No answers to any of my questions or response to my concerns.
In other words, I got the brush off that difficult parents get from administration.
I've seen it happen many times before. All administrators seem to be good at it, but my old assistant principal was the best. I distinctly remember one situation when the mother of one of my students was angry about a consequence her child had received in PE. As the classroom teacher, I was asked to sit in on the conference between the assistant principal and the parent. This mom was awful- ranting and raving and cussing and making little sense. My assistant principal listened for a couple of minutes, then pretty much thanked her for coming in and sent her on her way. I remember jokingly asking if they taught the brush off in administration classes.
Another time I received a four page typed out complaint from a parent. Each of her complaint topics was color coded. I wish I was joking. I took the letter to my principal and said that I didn't even know where to begin. She suggested that I respond by writing, "Why don't we set up a time to have a discussion about this?" She said that this parent had a reputation for complaining to teachers, but only in letter form. The parent always declined an invitation to sit down and have a discussion, probably because it is much easier to be horrible to someone when you don't have to show your face.
So when the principal's only response was an invitation to come in.... I was floored! When I had been nothing but professional and polite! When I made such rational points! And when she was so clearly in the wrong! (Just joking. Kind of.)
So I sent Grace to school. After she got home that afternoon, I found out that the morning was spent coloring, attending an assembly, and watching a video. Everything seemed to have gone fine.
(And just to clarify for a moment.... I am not at all against parents being actively involved in schools. I think the involvement of the parents at Gracie's school is wonderful. The parents want so badly to help out that teachers have to limit the number of times that a parent can help throw a class party or chaperone a field trip in order to accommodate all of the parents wishing to volunteer. My problem with the situation is that as wonderful as a parent is- as competent and comfortable with children and friendly as a parent is- he or she is not a teacher.
In an ideal world, this wouldn't matter, but I've taught and I know that strange things can happen in schools. A parent stepping into the shoes of a teacher can have no way of knowing how to handle a difficult classroom situation. And in this case there was a volunteer in every classroom! If a fight broke out between two students, the fire alarm went off, or a child became really ill, the parent wouldn't even have someone nearby to turn to for help. It seems like a bad situation waiting to happen. I also really have a problem with complete busy work. What did Gracie learn at school on Wednesday morning? Not a thing, and that bothers me.)
So now I have had another day to sit with it and the whole situation continues to upset me, mostly because I just don't feel heard. I could- and probably should- make an appointment to go in and see her, but I just kind of feel defeated. I don't think there is one thing that I could say to her that I haven't already written to her, nor do I think that there anything that I could say that would change her mind about the situation. I feel strongly about this, but not strongly enough to raise a stink and feel like there is conflict between Gracie's school and me. I have to feel good about sending her there each day.
Ben jokingly said, "Well, that was the last volunteer email that you'll ever get!" and we laughed, but I actually wonder if I will be contacted again if and/or when this sort of situation occurs. If not, I'll have absolutely no idea when parents are going to be filling in. In fact, I could safely say that at least 80% of the parents at the school have absolutely no idea what happened at school on Wednesday morning. The only parents that know are the few that were contacted by email on Sunday night when volunteers were being recruited for subbing.
So that's where things stand, with me sitting the fence between going in to discuss this with her and me dropping the whole thing.
I woke up really early Wednesday morning and composed a response that I hoped to be very calm and professional. I said that I had given her response much thought and that I still had concerns about placing parent volunteers in charge of a class of students for an entire morning. I explained each of my concerns and asked for the reasoning behind using parents instead of hiring substitutes. I asked if using volunteers as substitutes was common practice at the school. I disagreed with her statement that the parent volunteers have been well trained in the expectations of the school by pointing out that I was asked to sub on three days notice and had received no training whatsoever. I tried very hard to keep all emotion out of my response, even though the patronizing tone of her email had really irritated me.
The principal sent a response almost immediately, saying nothing more than, "Thank you for your response. Should you wish to share additional concerns, please contact the school secretary to set up a time when we can discuss this further. If you would like to leave your daughter home from school this morning, please let me know. Thank you." No answers to any of my questions or response to my concerns.
In other words, I got the brush off that difficult parents get from administration.
I've seen it happen many times before. All administrators seem to be good at it, but my old assistant principal was the best. I distinctly remember one situation when the mother of one of my students was angry about a consequence her child had received in PE. As the classroom teacher, I was asked to sit in on the conference between the assistant principal and the parent. This mom was awful- ranting and raving and cussing and making little sense. My assistant principal listened for a couple of minutes, then pretty much thanked her for coming in and sent her on her way. I remember jokingly asking if they taught the brush off in administration classes.
Another time I received a four page typed out complaint from a parent. Each of her complaint topics was color coded. I wish I was joking. I took the letter to my principal and said that I didn't even know where to begin. She suggested that I respond by writing, "Why don't we set up a time to have a discussion about this?" She said that this parent had a reputation for complaining to teachers, but only in letter form. The parent always declined an invitation to sit down and have a discussion, probably because it is much easier to be horrible to someone when you don't have to show your face.
So when the principal's only response was an invitation to come in.... I was floored! When I had been nothing but professional and polite! When I made such rational points! And when she was so clearly in the wrong! (Just joking. Kind of.)
So I sent Grace to school. After she got home that afternoon, I found out that the morning was spent coloring, attending an assembly, and watching a video. Everything seemed to have gone fine.
(And just to clarify for a moment.... I am not at all against parents being actively involved in schools. I think the involvement of the parents at Gracie's school is wonderful. The parents want so badly to help out that teachers have to limit the number of times that a parent can help throw a class party or chaperone a field trip in order to accommodate all of the parents wishing to volunteer. My problem with the situation is that as wonderful as a parent is- as competent and comfortable with children and friendly as a parent is- he or she is not a teacher.
In an ideal world, this wouldn't matter, but I've taught and I know that strange things can happen in schools. A parent stepping into the shoes of a teacher can have no way of knowing how to handle a difficult classroom situation. And in this case there was a volunteer in every classroom! If a fight broke out between two students, the fire alarm went off, or a child became really ill, the parent wouldn't even have someone nearby to turn to for help. It seems like a bad situation waiting to happen. I also really have a problem with complete busy work. What did Gracie learn at school on Wednesday morning? Not a thing, and that bothers me.)
So now I have had another day to sit with it and the whole situation continues to upset me, mostly because I just don't feel heard. I could- and probably should- make an appointment to go in and see her, but I just kind of feel defeated. I don't think there is one thing that I could say to her that I haven't already written to her, nor do I think that there anything that I could say that would change her mind about the situation. I feel strongly about this, but not strongly enough to raise a stink and feel like there is conflict between Gracie's school and me. I have to feel good about sending her there each day.
Ben jokingly said, "Well, that was the last volunteer email that you'll ever get!" and we laughed, but I actually wonder if I will be contacted again if and/or when this sort of situation occurs. If not, I'll have absolutely no idea when parents are going to be filling in. In fact, I could safely say that at least 80% of the parents at the school have absolutely no idea what happened at school on Wednesday morning. The only parents that know are the few that were contacted by email on Sunday night when volunteers were being recruited for subbing.
So that's where things stand, with me sitting the fence between going in to discuss this with her and me dropping the whole thing.
Comments
Then we move to BN and our kids go to a not very attractive, older school with 50% of the students receiving free and reduced lunch. Last year we didn't meet AYP (thanks No Child Left Behind) due to our large ESL population (we have lots of Spanish speaking kids) but you know what? We have an administration who listens (and I've made my opinion known a few times) and teachers who care and try to involve parents who don't speak any English and believe me they would LOVE to have parents who fight to volunteer.
I should probably rant on my own blog....
So, Leslie I know you are about as confrontational as I am. I get all shaky and queasy when I have to go toe-to-toe with someone even when I know I'm completely in the right. But as a parent and an educator, I would copy the emails, add an explanation and send a letter (yes, via the postal service) to the superintendent. There are so many things wrong in this situation but probably the biggest issue is that principal's treatment of a parent voicing a legitimate concern in a very professional and respectful manner. Go get 'em!