end of an era
It is 2:30 on the second day of the school year. The house is quiet. It's just me and a sleeping puppy dog at my feet. The house is clean. The laundry is caught up. I went into work for a couple of hours and met with my co-teacher. I painted twenty signs for White Rabbit.
My day has been fine. I have not been bored. I got things done. I'm not sitting here in tears or watching the clock each minute.
But... it's weird.
This new stage of life of mine is unlike one I've been in before. ALL of my kids are now off at school all day every day. There is no one here with me. No one else to make lunch for. No one asking me to read them a book. No constant chatter in my ear as I move throughout my day. No cute little sidekick sitting in my office with me as I paint.
It is fair to say that this new normal of mine- this having time all by myself- is going to take some getting used to.
Yesterday was a rough day. I wasn't prepared for how hard it would hit me to leave Kate at kindergarten and to walk out of the building alone. I managed to hold it together inside of the school, but the second we got outside, a sweet friend caught my eye and asked me how I was doing. That one little question was somehow just enough to put me over the edge. I had an ugly cry on the drive home from school and spent the morning in a funk.
I've said it before, I know, but I have absolutely loved having littles in our home. There are a lot of things that I'm not very good at, but being a mom to little ones is something I do well. I love the cuddles and the interactions and the unexpected things that come out in conversation and the milestones and the laughter. I've been a mom to little ones for thirteen years now and am so very sad to see this chapter of my life coming to an end.
I kind of want to hold on kicking and screaming in protest, you know?
I am sure this is one of many times I will write through feelings as I come to grips with the end of a really sweet era of my life. I write to process, and I have so much to process right now.
My day has been fine. I have not been bored. I got things done. I'm not sitting here in tears or watching the clock each minute.
But... it's weird.
This new stage of life of mine is unlike one I've been in before. ALL of my kids are now off at school all day every day. There is no one here with me. No one else to make lunch for. No one asking me to read them a book. No constant chatter in my ear as I move throughout my day. No cute little sidekick sitting in my office with me as I paint.
It is fair to say that this new normal of mine- this having time all by myself- is going to take some getting used to.
Yesterday was a rough day. I wasn't prepared for how hard it would hit me to leave Kate at kindergarten and to walk out of the building alone. I managed to hold it together inside of the school, but the second we got outside, a sweet friend caught my eye and asked me how I was doing. That one little question was somehow just enough to put me over the edge. I had an ugly cry on the drive home from school and spent the morning in a funk.
I've said it before, I know, but I have absolutely loved having littles in our home. There are a lot of things that I'm not very good at, but being a mom to little ones is something I do well. I love the cuddles and the interactions and the unexpected things that come out in conversation and the milestones and the laughter. I've been a mom to little ones for thirteen years now and am so very sad to see this chapter of my life coming to an end.
I kind of want to hold on kicking and screaming in protest, you know?
I am sure this is one of many times I will write through feelings as I come to grips with the end of a really sweet era of my life. I write to process, and I have so much to process right now.
Comments
Change is hard and for some of us, it is really hard. Kids are so anxious to grow up and you just want to say "No, stop!" - but it doesn't work. I loved having mine around so much that Bridget didn't move out until she was close to 30. And I cried for a week. So taking advice from me is probably not a good idea....
You are doing a great job of giving them roots and wings. The bigger issue is figuring out what else you are when your mothering chores start to change. They still need you, but in a less concrete, hands on way. It's a journey. It's good that you can write about it. Sometimes seeing it in black and white, makes the answers come more easily. Hang in there.
You can get lots of baby love this weekend. Tessa will gladly slobber all over you.