week one
I feel like there should be some sort of reward for making it through week one of the school year.
This week was not my favorite. It is so hard to adjust back to school at the beginning of the year. It is such an abrupt change to go from the lazy days of summer to a very regimented day at school. Poor Kate had the hardest week of all. Her teacher warned us that kindergarteners usually come home from school the first week feeling tired, hungry, and crabby. She was right. Kindergarten has worn her out.
Aside from the obvious huge adjustment for me of having an empty house all day, the next biggest thing to get used to this week was the morning routine. It will be a challenge to get everyone where they need to be on time this year. We've had everything (lunches, clothes, backpacks, etc.) set out the night before and we still have had to be pretty deliberate with our morning or risk someone being late.
I have to leave the house at 7:20 to take Luke through the sixth grade drop off line, and then it's just nonstop go until Grace gets out of my car an hour later. There's no time in the morning for waking up slowly unless I set my alarm for earlier, which I may end up doing- I have to first decide which I would dislike more- waking up earlier to an alarm or skipping my quiet time in the morning with my coffee and my quiet house.
These are all things that will soon feel normal for all of us, but this week has been a HUGE adjustment. Oh, transitions... you are not my favorite.
I've been in a bit of a funk this week. I've been trying to stay busy and have been pretty successful at it, but I've just felt off. So much of my life is being a mom, but now, all of the sudden, from the hours of 8-3, I am off the clock. It is so very strange. And, really, I don't want to be off the clock. I liked being on the clock. I feel like I was forced into retirement; I wasn't quite done being a stay at home mom. It was a good gig.
I was talking to a friend at school drop off the other morning and she asked me how I was doing with Kate starting kindergarten. Her youngest of three just started school as well. We had an honest talk for a moment (Can I just throw in here how much I appreciate people who just are real? No small talk, no drama, no conversations that last ten minutes but you don't really talk about anything that matters.... just. real. talk.) and she told me that she had gone to the dentist the day before and the hygenist asked her if she had taken time off work that morning. My friend automatically replied, "I'm a stay at home mom" before having kind of a moment right there in the chair. She told me she just wondered to herself if she was still "allowed" to call herself that. She said she wondered just who she was staying home for if all three of her girls were now at school all day. She was a little teary telling me the story.
I was talking to two other friends the other day who have just sent their youngest off to kindergarten too. They were both elated with all of the kid-free time they find themselves with. One joked (I think) that she had been waiting for this day for years. The other said she practically skips out of the building each morning after drop off, so excited for a full day to herself. To quote her, she has "earned it." They talk about tennis games and manicures and errands by themselves and lunch with friends.
This week has been emotionally hard for me, but definitely not "hard" by standard definition. I mean... Ben took me to lunch. twice. I ran at least ten overdue errands (about twenty times faster than I am used to being able to). I painted and delivered a huge order of seventy signs to White Rabbit. I went into preschool. I took a walk. I went clothes shopping. I deep cleaned the car. Basically, I had twenty eight hours spread over four days to pretty much do whatever I wanted. It wasn't bad. To complain about a week like this must come across as very spoiled to anyone reading this. I hope that it doesn't.
What this rambling post boils down to is me wanting to process what it feels like for a woman who is used to being with children for most of her waking hours- and liking it- to suddenly be out a job. To process how it feels for a mom who is not quite ready to be without little kids in the family to be without little kids in the family. To process how it feels when a person is told she should be happy to have time to herself, but she doesn't.
This week was not my favorite. It is so hard to adjust back to school at the beginning of the year. It is such an abrupt change to go from the lazy days of summer to a very regimented day at school. Poor Kate had the hardest week of all. Her teacher warned us that kindergarteners usually come home from school the first week feeling tired, hungry, and crabby. She was right. Kindergarten has worn her out.
Aside from the obvious huge adjustment for me of having an empty house all day, the next biggest thing to get used to this week was the morning routine. It will be a challenge to get everyone where they need to be on time this year. We've had everything (lunches, clothes, backpacks, etc.) set out the night before and we still have had to be pretty deliberate with our morning or risk someone being late.
I have to leave the house at 7:20 to take Luke through the sixth grade drop off line, and then it's just nonstop go until Grace gets out of my car an hour later. There's no time in the morning for waking up slowly unless I set my alarm for earlier, which I may end up doing- I have to first decide which I would dislike more- waking up earlier to an alarm or skipping my quiet time in the morning with my coffee and my quiet house.
These are all things that will soon feel normal for all of us, but this week has been a HUGE adjustment. Oh, transitions... you are not my favorite.
I've been in a bit of a funk this week. I've been trying to stay busy and have been pretty successful at it, but I've just felt off. So much of my life is being a mom, but now, all of the sudden, from the hours of 8-3, I am off the clock. It is so very strange. And, really, I don't want to be off the clock. I liked being on the clock. I feel like I was forced into retirement; I wasn't quite done being a stay at home mom. It was a good gig.
I was talking to a friend at school drop off the other morning and she asked me how I was doing with Kate starting kindergarten. Her youngest of three just started school as well. We had an honest talk for a moment (Can I just throw in here how much I appreciate people who just are real? No small talk, no drama, no conversations that last ten minutes but you don't really talk about anything that matters.... just. real. talk.) and she told me that she had gone to the dentist the day before and the hygenist asked her if she had taken time off work that morning. My friend automatically replied, "I'm a stay at home mom" before having kind of a moment right there in the chair. She told me she just wondered to herself if she was still "allowed" to call herself that. She said she wondered just who she was staying home for if all three of her girls were now at school all day. She was a little teary telling me the story.
I was talking to two other friends the other day who have just sent their youngest off to kindergarten too. They were both elated with all of the kid-free time they find themselves with. One joked (I think) that she had been waiting for this day for years. The other said she practically skips out of the building each morning after drop off, so excited for a full day to herself. To quote her, she has "earned it." They talk about tennis games and manicures and errands by themselves and lunch with friends.
This week has been emotionally hard for me, but definitely not "hard" by standard definition. I mean... Ben took me to lunch. twice. I ran at least ten overdue errands (about twenty times faster than I am used to being able to). I painted and delivered a huge order of seventy signs to White Rabbit. I went into preschool. I took a walk. I went clothes shopping. I deep cleaned the car. Basically, I had twenty eight hours spread over four days to pretty much do whatever I wanted. It wasn't bad. To complain about a week like this must come across as very spoiled to anyone reading this. I hope that it doesn't.
What this rambling post boils down to is me wanting to process what it feels like for a woman who is used to being with children for most of her waking hours- and liking it- to suddenly be out a job. To process how it feels for a mom who is not quite ready to be without little kids in the family to be without little kids in the family. To process how it feels when a person is told she should be happy to have time to herself, but she doesn't.
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