confession time---
There has been A LOT of entertaining in the Hedenberg house over the past two weeks. For lots of reasons, our house has been full of people for much of the past fourteen days. Four kindergarten boys last Friday. Seven sixth graders last Tuesday. (The kindergarteners behaved better than the group of sixth graders.... and the kindergarteners were crazy. Who would have known how insane a group of seven eleven and twelve year olds would be?!?) Right now I am closely monitoring the rowdy behavior of four fourth grade boys in my yard while pretending to be casually checking something on my laptop.
I want to be the type of mom who loves to have her children's friends over. I really, really do.
The truth is- I am not that type of mom. Chances are, if I am hosting a play date and there are not other parents here too, I am watching the clock to see how quickly it will end.
Why do I dislike play dates so you wonder? How much time do you have? ;)
I hate the fear that someone is going to get hurt while on my watch. Back in Knoxville, we had a three year old friend of Drew's over to play. I was out in the yard with the little boys and we were being silly. The boy tripped and landed on a paver stone near our driveway, busting his head open. His mom had to come get him and take him to the ER for stitches. Even though I was watching the boys with 100% of my attention, I still feel bad about that to this day. When kids at our house ride scooters and climb trees and skateboard and run around our yard, I am always fearful that I will again have to make that call to another parent.
I hate the constant internal struggle for me when there is questionable behavior occurring- do I step in as I would if it were my own child or let it go? Maybe that word is okay at their house, for example? I am a teacher by trade. I am comfortable stepping in to correct a child if I know that is my role. It is sometimes hard for me to know what to do with myself in the role of "mom of ______" rather than teacher.
I hate the cringing I do as I watch other children do things to our property that is not okay for my kids to do to our property (pound on the piano, jump on furniture, sit on the coffee table, etc.) I try to pretend to be chill about the house. Last week, for example, I tried to be relaxed about kids coming in and out (and in and out and in and out) of the house. I asked three times that the boys take their shoes off when coming into the house from outside, but the wildness factor was high and listening wasn't high on their list of chosen activities for the day. So rather than continuing to stress about it, I forced myself to just let it be. After the little boys all got picked up, I looked at horror at the yellow and white cotton rug in our art room that was then covered with streaks of ground in mud.
(At preschool, if there were children ignoring a request from an adult after three asks, there would be a consequence. In my own family, if there were children ignoring a request after ONE ask, there would be consequences. Hosting a play date, though, the lines are a little blurred. Two of the boys were not honoring my request to take off their shoes in our house. What do you do?)
Here's the thing-- I like my house. I like it to look nice. Every time that we host, something happens and there is wear and tear on our house. Every. time. I know that people are more important than things, but I am getting sick of the constant broken toys, stains, messes, etc. I don't want to be the type of mom who constantly steps in to correct, though. It makes me uncomfortable. But if you don't, you have to accept that things will get broken. (And sometimes those things are big deals, like the broken leaded glass window we had to pay to be repaired after a child playing at our house threw a toy at the window.)
I hate that my normal routine is altered because I feel like I need to keep a close watch on things. When it is just my own kids at our house, I do my own things and don't feel like I have to watch closely anymore. They know what to do and what not to do and I am here if they need me. Hosting other kids, though, feels like babysitting and like I am on the clock. Play date time crawls.
It is not always this way. There are certain friends the kids have that are no trouble at all. Luke's friend, Calvin, for example, is welcome any time he would like to come over. He is polite, well-behaved, and includes Katie and Drew in play. Gracie has some friends who are super sweet as well. I am not anti-playdate, but think I am quickly becoming anti- group playdate.
Since beginning to type this post, I have had to step in and be uncool mom. The two uninvited neighborhood friends that stopped by were causing too much chaos around here. After a couple of requests followed by a couple of warnings to the group, I had to stop the playtime before someone got hurt, because it was going to happen. The boys walked home and Luke and the invited friend he has over today have since switched to playing chess on the patio. I'll take this kind of play date any day. :)
I want to be the type of mom who loves to have her children's friends over. I really, really do.
The truth is- I am not that type of mom. Chances are, if I am hosting a play date and there are not other parents here too, I am watching the clock to see how quickly it will end.
Why do I dislike play dates so you wonder? How much time do you have? ;)
I hate the fear that someone is going to get hurt while on my watch. Back in Knoxville, we had a three year old friend of Drew's over to play. I was out in the yard with the little boys and we were being silly. The boy tripped and landed on a paver stone near our driveway, busting his head open. His mom had to come get him and take him to the ER for stitches. Even though I was watching the boys with 100% of my attention, I still feel bad about that to this day. When kids at our house ride scooters and climb trees and skateboard and run around our yard, I am always fearful that I will again have to make that call to another parent.
I hate the constant internal struggle for me when there is questionable behavior occurring- do I step in as I would if it were my own child or let it go? Maybe that word is okay at their house, for example? I am a teacher by trade. I am comfortable stepping in to correct a child if I know that is my role. It is sometimes hard for me to know what to do with myself in the role of "mom of ______" rather than teacher.
I hate the cringing I do as I watch other children do things to our property that is not okay for my kids to do to our property (pound on the piano, jump on furniture, sit on the coffee table, etc.) I try to pretend to be chill about the house. Last week, for example, I tried to be relaxed about kids coming in and out (and in and out and in and out) of the house. I asked three times that the boys take their shoes off when coming into the house from outside, but the wildness factor was high and listening wasn't high on their list of chosen activities for the day. So rather than continuing to stress about it, I forced myself to just let it be. After the little boys all got picked up, I looked at horror at the yellow and white cotton rug in our art room that was then covered with streaks of ground in mud.
(At preschool, if there were children ignoring a request from an adult after three asks, there would be a consequence. In my own family, if there were children ignoring a request after ONE ask, there would be consequences. Hosting a play date, though, the lines are a little blurred. Two of the boys were not honoring my request to take off their shoes in our house. What do you do?)
Here's the thing-- I like my house. I like it to look nice. Every time that we host, something happens and there is wear and tear on our house. Every. time. I know that people are more important than things, but I am getting sick of the constant broken toys, stains, messes, etc. I don't want to be the type of mom who constantly steps in to correct, though. It makes me uncomfortable. But if you don't, you have to accept that things will get broken. (And sometimes those things are big deals, like the broken leaded glass window we had to pay to be repaired after a child playing at our house threw a toy at the window.)
I hate that my normal routine is altered because I feel like I need to keep a close watch on things. When it is just my own kids at our house, I do my own things and don't feel like I have to watch closely anymore. They know what to do and what not to do and I am here if they need me. Hosting other kids, though, feels like babysitting and like I am on the clock. Play date time crawls.
It is not always this way. There are certain friends the kids have that are no trouble at all. Luke's friend, Calvin, for example, is welcome any time he would like to come over. He is polite, well-behaved, and includes Katie and Drew in play. Gracie has some friends who are super sweet as well. I am not anti-playdate, but think I am quickly becoming anti- group playdate.
Since beginning to type this post, I have had to step in and be uncool mom. The two uninvited neighborhood friends that stopped by were causing too much chaos around here. After a couple of requests followed by a couple of warnings to the group, I had to stop the playtime before someone got hurt, because it was going to happen. The boys walked home and Luke and the invited friend he has over today have since switched to playing chess on the patio. I'll take this kind of play date any day. :)
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