As I was picking up Drew from school this afternoon, I stopped to visit for a moment with another mom I've been getting to know. I don't know her well, but I kind of identify with her. In fact, she could be me about three moves ago. I would guess her to be in her late twenties. She has two children, one in preschool and one who is almost two. She just moved to Missouri about six weeks ago because of her husband's job. She has no family in the area and knows very few people. She is soft spoken and seems shy, and seems very open to new friendships.
The more I get to know her, the more I find myself wanting to take her under my wing, which is funny because in many ways, I am still new to Webster myself. But she just seems so hungry for friendship and this is a feeling I remember from when we moved to Zionsville. It took a few long months to make friends then. Moving to a new state in the dead of winter is not ideal for meeting new people.
Because of this, today I impulsively invited this woman to join in a monthly Craft Night group that I am in. She was so appreciative and grateful for the invitation that I felt glad that I pushed aside the moment of shyness that I had right before inviting her. The truth is, I didn't do much by inviting her. There is no extra work for me as the host of the gathering if one extra person comes or does not come. I don't even know that she can actually come because of her husband's work schedule. No matter, though, I feel like whether she comes or not, we made a move towards becoming friends just by my having made the simple invitation.
It is simple to make someone else feel included, but I still marvel at people who are really good at doing it. It doesn't come naturally to me, but I work on it because I know that I have been appreciative of the women over the past few moves who have made an effort to welcome and include me. Inviting me to join book clubs or Bunco nights or Women's Night at church, initiating play dates, inviting us to parties and cookouts, inviting me for coffee ... these gestures meant so much to me. It was through these gestures that I got to know some of the women who became wonderful, dear friends of mine.
Last week Ben and I got an invitation in the mail to a fall bonfire party in Webster. The hosts' names were on the invitation, but we had to do a little investigative work to figure out who they were and how we knew them. A search on Facebook followed by a browse through the elementary school yearbook finally helped us to figure out that the hosts were the parents of a classmate of Gracie's from last year. We had met them exactly once at a fourth grade concert and had chatted for about ten minutes waiting for the concert to begin.
It kind of amazes me, this kind of openness and friendliness. To invite a couple you have met only once to a party at your home? I have to wonder- did they remember us or did they just go through last year's class list and invite all of the families? Either way, good for them. I wish I was so open.
As I have been on the recipient side of this kind of thoughtfulness, I have learned that when I can be, I want to be the same way. I am not a big- party kind of person myself, but I have become more of one over the years. The benefits to inviting more people to join in far outweigh the possible stresses of hosting a big gathering. "The more, the merrier" has become a little bit of a motto for me when planning activities, as was evident at Drew's party a couple of weeks ago. And while it was a kind of chaotic couple of hours for me at the time, I feel like I have gotten to know some of the families of his classmates better because of it, and feeling like you know people in a community makes the difference between having moved to a new place versus being able to call it "home".
I will end this post because I think I am starting to ramble. It doesn't help that Drew has interrupted me at least one hundred thousand times since I started writing thirty minutes ago, so it feels as if I haven't had a complete thought yet this afternoon. Or, actually, maybe I haven't had a complete thought all week. I am ready for Ben to return from his trip.
I'll conclude with something completely unrelated to anything in this post, but just something that makes me smile-
The more I get to know her, the more I find myself wanting to take her under my wing, which is funny because in many ways, I am still new to Webster myself. But she just seems so hungry for friendship and this is a feeling I remember from when we moved to Zionsville. It took a few long months to make friends then. Moving to a new state in the dead of winter is not ideal for meeting new people.
Because of this, today I impulsively invited this woman to join in a monthly Craft Night group that I am in. She was so appreciative and grateful for the invitation that I felt glad that I pushed aside the moment of shyness that I had right before inviting her. The truth is, I didn't do much by inviting her. There is no extra work for me as the host of the gathering if one extra person comes or does not come. I don't even know that she can actually come because of her husband's work schedule. No matter, though, I feel like whether she comes or not, we made a move towards becoming friends just by my having made the simple invitation.
It is simple to make someone else feel included, but I still marvel at people who are really good at doing it. It doesn't come naturally to me, but I work on it because I know that I have been appreciative of the women over the past few moves who have made an effort to welcome and include me. Inviting me to join book clubs or Bunco nights or Women's Night at church, initiating play dates, inviting us to parties and cookouts, inviting me for coffee ... these gestures meant so much to me. It was through these gestures that I got to know some of the women who became wonderful, dear friends of mine.
Last week Ben and I got an invitation in the mail to a fall bonfire party in Webster. The hosts' names were on the invitation, but we had to do a little investigative work to figure out who they were and how we knew them. A search on Facebook followed by a browse through the elementary school yearbook finally helped us to figure out that the hosts were the parents of a classmate of Gracie's from last year. We had met them exactly once at a fourth grade concert and had chatted for about ten minutes waiting for the concert to begin.
It kind of amazes me, this kind of openness and friendliness. To invite a couple you have met only once to a party at your home? I have to wonder- did they remember us or did they just go through last year's class list and invite all of the families? Either way, good for them. I wish I was so open.
As I have been on the recipient side of this kind of thoughtfulness, I have learned that when I can be, I want to be the same way. I am not a big- party kind of person myself, but I have become more of one over the years. The benefits to inviting more people to join in far outweigh the possible stresses of hosting a big gathering. "The more, the merrier" has become a little bit of a motto for me when planning activities, as was evident at Drew's party a couple of weeks ago. And while it was a kind of chaotic couple of hours for me at the time, I feel like I have gotten to know some of the families of his classmates better because of it, and feeling like you know people in a community makes the difference between having moved to a new place versus being able to call it "home".
I will end this post because I think I am starting to ramble. It doesn't help that Drew has interrupted me at least one hundred thousand times since I started writing thirty minutes ago, so it feels as if I haven't had a complete thought yet this afternoon. Or, actually, maybe I haven't had a complete thought all week. I am ready for Ben to return from his trip.
I'll conclude with something completely unrelated to anything in this post, but just something that makes me smile-
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| my proud little bakers and their apple pie |
Comments
small chunks of our time, attention and essentially ourselves are the most precious commodities we own. As we grow into more complete people, we realize that the sharing of these valuable assets are an obligation and a joy as well. it is the most valuable way that we can " PASS IT ON ". This is more than a popular saying it is a lifestyle that help us build community for our families and friends.
We are all fortunate to have you in our life (as your new friends will discover) and my grandchildren have a great standard to live up to.
Paul (aka Papa & Python)
~Rachel McCarthy
Paul, thank you very much for those kind words. Ben and I also have a great standard to live up to. You and Patti are so generous with your time and love.
Rachel, hello! It was fun to see a comment on here from you! See you next Tuesday night!
Patti, I am betting we will still have plenty of apples left to make a yummy apple dessert to take camping next weekend to share with Paul. We've done apple pie and apple butter and lots of apples in lunches, and there are still two HUGE bowls of apples on the kitchen counter. We so overdid it at Eckerdt's!