{waiting out the crazy}
One of my favorite Anna Quindlen quotes is this:
“but the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three on them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”
Ben is out of town this week. In stretches of single parenting like these, I am always reminded that daily life in a family goes in waves. Some moments are really calm, almost even dull at times- especially in the evenings once the kids are asleep. Some moments are a little more busy, like when trying to get everyone out the door for a sports practice. And some moments I just feel like I am in the center of a tornado as life happens around me.
I am learning, finally, after a decade of parenting, that when I am having a tornado moment and life feels crazy, I just need to take a deep breath and wait the crazy out.
I am thinking of this now as I sit next to Drew with my laptop as he falls asleep. All is calm in the rest of the house. Luke is reading. Gracie is working on a project due Friday. Katie is coloring at the table next to Gracie. I can hear her singing from where I am sitting. You would never, ever suspect looking at these calm children what life was like in this house a mere thirty minutes ago.
We had to take Luke to soccer this evening from 6-7. The practice itself went very well for everyone. Luke worked hard and Gracie, Drew, and Katie spent the entire hour collecting leaves and buckeyes. The problems began when it was time to get everyone home, then bathed, then in pajamas, and then settled in for bed, all the while racing the clock and Drew's bedtime.
(Let me add at this point as a reminder to my future self reading back over this at some point: I am only strict about bedtime because I have to be. We had some behavior issues with Drew at the beginning of the summer when we were being more relaxed with his sleep schedule. Once we made an effort to return to a 7:00 bedtime, there was a dramatic improvement. We feel like if we don't get him enough sleep, we are just setting him up for failure, so we make every effort to be strict about his bedtime, no matter how inconvenient it is. He won't be five forever.)
The second we pulled into the driveway, the dramatics started. Katie began sobbing because I lifted her out of the van instead of letting her do it for herself. Luke could not get his shin guards off. (It took way more patience than I had at that moment to get those babies off his sweaty leg.) Drew was crying because I wanted him to take a bath. Then he was crying because Katie was getting in the bath too. Then he was crying harder because Katie got the best spot in the tub. The cold water faucet somehow broke as the water was being run. Luke and Katie and Drew were all in the bath together at one point and there was so much noise and fussing and water everywhere and fighting over who got the prize spot by the spout that I just had to wait out the crazy for a moment.
Long story short, I did. I waited it out and now everything is fine. And everything will continue to be fine until the next round of crazy happens. :)
“but the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three on them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4, and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in a hurry to get on to the next things: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”
As a parent, I really do try to treasure the everyday moments that I have with the kids. I love the thought of placing importance and value on the doing and not on the getting it done. Sometimes, though, "getting it done" is good enough.
Ben is out of town this week. In stretches of single parenting like these, I am always reminded that daily life in a family goes in waves. Some moments are really calm, almost even dull at times- especially in the evenings once the kids are asleep. Some moments are a little more busy, like when trying to get everyone out the door for a sports practice. And some moments I just feel like I am in the center of a tornado as life happens around me.
I am learning, finally, after a decade of parenting, that when I am having a tornado moment and life feels crazy, I just need to take a deep breath and wait the crazy out.
I am thinking of this now as I sit next to Drew with my laptop as he falls asleep. All is calm in the rest of the house. Luke is reading. Gracie is working on a project due Friday. Katie is coloring at the table next to Gracie. I can hear her singing from where I am sitting. You would never, ever suspect looking at these calm children what life was like in this house a mere thirty minutes ago.
We had to take Luke to soccer this evening from 6-7. The practice itself went very well for everyone. Luke worked hard and Gracie, Drew, and Katie spent the entire hour collecting leaves and buckeyes. The problems began when it was time to get everyone home, then bathed, then in pajamas, and then settled in for bed, all the while racing the clock and Drew's bedtime.
(Let me add at this point as a reminder to my future self reading back over this at some point: I am only strict about bedtime because I have to be. We had some behavior issues with Drew at the beginning of the summer when we were being more relaxed with his sleep schedule. Once we made an effort to return to a 7:00 bedtime, there was a dramatic improvement. We feel like if we don't get him enough sleep, we are just setting him up for failure, so we make every effort to be strict about his bedtime, no matter how inconvenient it is. He won't be five forever.)
The second we pulled into the driveway, the dramatics started. Katie began sobbing because I lifted her out of the van instead of letting her do it for herself. Luke could not get his shin guards off. (It took way more patience than I had at that moment to get those babies off his sweaty leg.) Drew was crying because I wanted him to take a bath. Then he was crying because Katie was getting in the bath too. Then he was crying harder because Katie got the best spot in the tub. The cold water faucet somehow broke as the water was being run. Luke and Katie and Drew were all in the bath together at one point and there was so much noise and fussing and water everywhere and fighting over who got the prize spot by the spout that I just had to wait out the crazy for a moment.
Long story short, I did. I waited it out and now everything is fine. And everything will continue to be fine until the next round of crazy happens. :)
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