{out of my control}

I am aware that multiple blog posts about a move that may or may not be happening are probably getting a little old. Sorry. Writing helps me process my thoughts and my mind definitely needs a little clearing.

My excitement a month ago when the move seemed imminent has now been replaced with confusion and frustration.

I don't understand why Ben has not been offered the position when everyone within the company talks about it like it is already his and that he will be starting very soon.

I am sick of correcting myself constantly with "if" and "possibly" but afraid to jinx the whole thing if we don't. I am scared that we are getting our hopes up for something that will not end up happening.

I am stressing about the kids and the upcoming school year. I was willing to move the kids to another new school (Poor Gracie! This will make her fourth new school building since kindergarten!) but really wanted them to be able to start the school year there. I don't see that happening now. I know I don't want to have them start in Knoxville for a month or two and then switch schools- how unfair would that be! I guess we may be homeschooling for a while?

I am having a hard time planning our summer. A possible upcoming move across the country- a move that could be happening in three weeks or three months, or maybe even not at all- makes life difficult to plan right now and I am a planner. 

We have some wedding invitations sitting here for summer weddings and I am just not completely sure how to respond. Gracie wants to plan a birthday getaway to Atlanta and I don't really know what life will be like in July. Luke's baseball coach asks if he is coming back in the fall and I am not sure what to say. Gracie's friend's mother says she keeps crossing her fingers the girls are in the same class next year and I feel a little dishonest saying "me too!" The Sunday school coordinator asks me to consider teaching and I have to decline. The Fall Festival committee for the primary school is already planning September's event and wants my commitment to head the crafts once again and I am unsure how to respond.

We want to spend a week or two in Decatur this summer and were planning on doing it at the end of July connected to a canoe trip we are taking with our friends, but we realize that if Ben begins the position in July as they've hinted, he will be unable to take much time off and we wonder if we should hit Decatur this month instead.

And so on and so on.

One of the worst feelings I know is the feeling of having no control over your own life and this situation makes me feel as if I have lost mine. Ben shares my frustration. We gripe to one another about this on a daily basis. He shared a fear today that nothing will be happening with the position for another month because of budget stuff.

So we wait, because that is really all we can do. It would be so much easier on us if they would go ahead and formally offer him the position, even if they do not want him to begin for a while, just so we can stop wondering and develop some sort of a timeline for all of the changes potentially coming our way. We have a house to sell and a house to buy and that is not a short process.

I promise this is the last moving post for a while. :)