{friendship}
Yesterday at preschool drop-off, I happened to be walking out at the same time as another one of the the mothers from Drew's class. She and I have chatted many times before and she is always very friendly, but I wouldn't say we were friends. In fact, I wasn't completely sure of her name, but was too embarassed to ask for it again. As we walked together out of the building, I commented on her cute purse, she commented on the beautiful weather, and then we shared small talk about how much we enjoy the teacher in the class.
We continued talking as we approached our cars. As the conversation evolved, I began to realize how much we had in common. She also stopped working outside the home when her second child was born about seven years ago. She also has a husband who travels quite a bit. She also has a third grader, first grader, and preschooler at three different schools. She also relocated to Knoxville just under two years ago. She also loves it here, but would move closer to family in a heartbeat.
We talked for quite a while, considering we were practically strangers and were standing in the middle of a parking lot. As we said goodbye, she shyly asked if I would like to go grab coffee some morning after drop off. I agreed and then completely identified with the look of relief that passed onto her face. It is so hard to put yourself out there in terms of making new friends; so hard, in fact, that I rarely do it.
Driving home, I began to think about how friendships form, specifically adult friendships. As an adult who spends the majority of her time at home or at childhood activities, I can think of few friends that I've made in the past seven years that are not mothers of children in school with Gracie, Luke, or Drew. It may be a little close-minded of me, but the reality of this very child-centered stage of my life is that I don't meet many new people who are not parents of an eight year old, seven year old, or three year old.
Ever since I left teaching, the people in my life that I come in contact with on a regular basis and have the most in common with are other mothers. Looking back, my only non-teacher friends in St. Louis were mothers from a playgroup that Gracie and Luke were in. My favorite friends in Zionsville each had children who were great friends with Gracie and Luke. My two closest friends in Knoxville are the mothers of my kids' friends.
When it comes to making friends, I don't think I would know how to do it anymore without my kids. I have learned that playdates are easy ways to get to know other families. "We ought to get the kids together to play sometime!" is the pick up line between mothers around here. It is said often but only actually happens about 25% of the time. Just last week, in fact, I heard "Let's get the girls together to play sometime!" from a mother I had been talking with throughout Gracie's class party, even though our girls barely know one another.
The truth is- playdates are just as much for the mothers as they are for the children. Some of us who spend the majority of our time with people under four feet tall really appreciate the chance to socialize with other adults throughout the week. We chat with one another as the children play. As we have more and more opportunities to get together, we get to know one another. Sometimes- definitely not all the time!- we become actual friends.
The new friends that I make as we live in Knoxville make it feel a little more like home, but they pale in comparison to the friends I have back home. I recognize that true friendships develop over time and that there is much truth to the phrase, "It takes a long time to grow a good friend." Even still, I am enjoying myself more as we live here because of the friendships I am forming with others.
We continued talking as we approached our cars. As the conversation evolved, I began to realize how much we had in common. She also stopped working outside the home when her second child was born about seven years ago. She also has a husband who travels quite a bit. She also has a third grader, first grader, and preschooler at three different schools. She also relocated to Knoxville just under two years ago. She also loves it here, but would move closer to family in a heartbeat.
We talked for quite a while, considering we were practically strangers and were standing in the middle of a parking lot. As we said goodbye, she shyly asked if I would like to go grab coffee some morning after drop off. I agreed and then completely identified with the look of relief that passed onto her face. It is so hard to put yourself out there in terms of making new friends; so hard, in fact, that I rarely do it.
Driving home, I began to think about how friendships form, specifically adult friendships. As an adult who spends the majority of her time at home or at childhood activities, I can think of few friends that I've made in the past seven years that are not mothers of children in school with Gracie, Luke, or Drew. It may be a little close-minded of me, but the reality of this very child-centered stage of my life is that I don't meet many new people who are not parents of an eight year old, seven year old, or three year old.
Ever since I left teaching, the people in my life that I come in contact with on a regular basis and have the most in common with are other mothers. Looking back, my only non-teacher friends in St. Louis were mothers from a playgroup that Gracie and Luke were in. My favorite friends in Zionsville each had children who were great friends with Gracie and Luke. My two closest friends in Knoxville are the mothers of my kids' friends.
When it comes to making friends, I don't think I would know how to do it anymore without my kids. I have learned that playdates are easy ways to get to know other families. "We ought to get the kids together to play sometime!" is the pick up line between mothers around here. It is said often but only actually happens about 25% of the time. Just last week, in fact, I heard "Let's get the girls together to play sometime!" from a mother I had been talking with throughout Gracie's class party, even though our girls barely know one another.
The truth is- playdates are just as much for the mothers as they are for the children. Some of us who spend the majority of our time with people under four feet tall really appreciate the chance to socialize with other adults throughout the week. We chat with one another as the children play. As we have more and more opportunities to get together, we get to know one another. Sometimes- definitely not all the time!- we become actual friends.
The new friends that I make as we live in Knoxville make it feel a little more like home, but they pale in comparison to the friends I have back home. I recognize that true friendships develop over time and that there is much truth to the phrase, "It takes a long time to grow a good friend." Even still, I am enjoying myself more as we live here because of the friendships I am forming with others.
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