I love the Facebook trend that happens every November where friends share things they are thankful for. And while I haven't actually participated myself, I never tire of reading what others share. I like the really important ones like "I am thankful for parents who support and love me unconditionally." I also like the not so important ones like " I am thankful for my DVR and the entertainment it provides me each night as I unwind."
This month I am trying hard to help the children feel gratitude for the good life they have. We've been reading many books about gratitude and appreciating our blessings. We've been sharing things each afternoon that have made us give thanks that day. I hung a large sheet of butcher paper in the kitchen, placed a bucket of colored pencils next to it, and encouraged the kids to write down some things they feel thankful for.
This is especially important to me as Drew seems to be struggling these days with this concept. Ben and I have to shake our heads in exasperation sometimes because with Drew, it sometimes feels as if nothing is ever enough for him. If you let him watch a cartoon, he wants to watch two. If you read him two books, he wants to know why he can't hear three. If you let him have a cookie, he complains because he can't also have a piece of Halloween candy.
Yesterday morning I literally handed him the breakfast I had just prepared for myself- the last of the oatmeal in the house- and instead of saying thank you, he whined, "Is this aaaallllll I get???"
We struggle with this in a big way. I do not know if he is spoiled (I fear he is...) or if it is just a personality trait of his (Ben's theory...) or if it is a combination of these two with his age, but I do know that it is a trait I really, really want to change in him. It is so very important to me to raise children who show appreciation and gratitude, but I don't quite know what else to do to achieve this goal.
Some days it seems like he is getting better. Last week as I was making him lunch and getting out paint supplies for him, he said to me, "Mom, you just make my life easier."I took this as a thank you. Other days I feel ready to pull my hair out when he complains or whines off and on throughout the day. I worry that I am not doing my job well enough and wonder what I did to lead him to feel such entitlement.
This month I am trying hard to help the children feel gratitude for the good life they have. We've been reading many books about gratitude and appreciating our blessings. We've been sharing things each afternoon that have made us give thanks that day. I hung a large sheet of butcher paper in the kitchen, placed a bucket of colored pencils next to it, and encouraged the kids to write down some things they feel thankful for.
This is especially important to me as Drew seems to be struggling these days with this concept. Ben and I have to shake our heads in exasperation sometimes because with Drew, it sometimes feels as if nothing is ever enough for him. If you let him watch a cartoon, he wants to watch two. If you read him two books, he wants to know why he can't hear three. If you let him have a cookie, he complains because he can't also have a piece of Halloween candy.
Yesterday morning I literally handed him the breakfast I had just prepared for myself- the last of the oatmeal in the house- and instead of saying thank you, he whined, "Is this aaaallllll I get???"
We struggle with this in a big way. I do not know if he is spoiled (I fear he is...) or if it is just a personality trait of his (Ben's theory...) or if it is a combination of these two with his age, but I do know that it is a trait I really, really want to change in him. It is so very important to me to raise children who show appreciation and gratitude, but I don't quite know what else to do to achieve this goal.
Some days it seems like he is getting better. Last week as I was making him lunch and getting out paint supplies for him, he said to me, "Mom, you just make my life easier."I took this as a thank you. Other days I feel ready to pull my hair out when he complains or whines off and on throughout the day. I worry that I am not doing my job well enough and wonder what I did to lead him to feel such entitlement.
Comments
I think Drew is just self absorbed and doesn't see things from any point of view but his own. I'm not sure that I appreciated everything I had as a kid until I saw how hard my Mom and Dad worked and how not everybody had parents who took care of them. I think you worried about Luke when he was Drew's age - and Luke is the sweetest, most thoughtful boy you could ask for now.
I think some people are born with the "glass half-empty" gene - my Dad used to say that the Peggy Lee song "Is that all there is?" was his theme song - but I also think that being with people who are grateful teaches you to be that way, too. We all need to be reminded that we have a lot to be thankful for. Just keep plugging away - you're a good Mom!
Patti, that is so interesting about deprivation leading to gratitude. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately?, my kids haven't had to know much about deprivation. We still have to watch our budget around here raising four kids on one salary, but we are more comfortable than we used to be and their basic needs have always been met. Generously.
I still remember my first year of intern teaching when I made $16,000 for the school year and how broke we were. We had to budget every cent we spent and there wasn't much extra for wants. We adjusted our lifestyles and did without on many things. Similarly, the first year after I gave up teaching when Gracie and Luke were babies was a real struggle for us as we adjusted to one salary. We definitely could not buy some of the things we wished we could have and money was so very tight, Remembering that feeling of watching every penny makes me more appreciative now when we are more comfortable. I still appreciate when we are able to get away for the weekend, go out to lunch on Saturday, or buy the kids something without giving it much thought in terms of budget.
We're hoping that having Gracie and Luke work towards allowance and asking them to spend their own money on the things they would like will help them appreciate them more, but it is definitely not the same as being deprived of something you need. I tell them stories about other children around the world who don't have warm homes, three healthy meals a day, baskets of books to read, and bedrooms full of toys to play with. I tell them there are people in the world who don't have a doctor to go to when sick or medicine to take to feel better. I tell them about families who don't have clean water to drink. Sometimes they listen, but usually I think my point is lost. Ben and I look forward to a time when the children are older and we can involve them in some hands-on charity work.
You are teaching the kids by your example to appreciate life - how many people have a list in their kitchen of "Things I am thankful for"? Not many.
At lunch today, there was an older woman in a wheelchair who was, for lack of a more PC term, a dwarf. I tried not to watch her, but just eating her lunch was a struggle. I seldom appreciate being able-bodied - but it was all I could think of this afternoon. So, I guess being grateful is something that I need to work on too.