Whew.

I am sitting at my laptop enjoying a hot tea and listening to the summer rainstorm outside my window. Katie is sleeping and Gracie, Luke, and Drew are painting together at the table. We had a full morning of fun together and everyone is calm and happy. In fact, the past few days have been like this, full of lots of playtime, some learning time, some reading time, gymnastics class, a picnic at the park, a playdate with some friends... all in all, a good week.

Surprisingly good, considering what I feared this week would look like.

I have been dreading this week for a while because Ben had to be in Louisville for work, his first big trip since before Katie was born. The dates were marked on my calendar with a frowning face. I was really unsure how I would handle everything solo.

It might seem a little silly to have been nervous about Ben traveling since he is away so often, but adding Kate to our mix upped the difficulty level of single parenting around here a couple of notches. She still nurses every couple of hours and needs burped for quite a while after each feeding to keep from spitting up. And, like most newborns, she likes lots of attention. Unfortunately for me, her two year old brother likes lots of attention too. He needs help with pottying, redirection when he is mad about things not going his way, and someone to play with when Gracie and Luke lose their patience with their bossy little brother. It is tiring.

Also, while I am used to being here with the kids alone during the day, I am used to Ben being a major help in the evening. We tag-team a lot; one takes care of the kids while the other gets things done around the house. One holds Katie while the other gets the other three ready for bed. One cleans up after dinner while the other takes the kids downstairs to play. One runs errands while the other keeps everyone at home. I haven't had much experience yet taking all four kids on outings by myself because I haven't had to.

On top of all of the help Ben gives us in the evenings, I am also so fortunate to have help three mornings a week from a high school neighbor named Paige. Paige is my extra set of hands for twelve hours each week, allowing us to continue to do some of the things we enjoy most about summer break. With her help, we go to the park, get books from the library, do art projects, play games, and do learning activities. I can run errands on our Paige mornings with just Katie. I can work out at the gym. I can take one child out for some extra attention. I can ask her to hold Katie while I power clean the house. She just adds a lot of support and attention for the kids and she is worth double the price we are paying her. Her help this summer has made everything better.

So although I was not looking forward to Ben's trip this week, I had convinced myself that everything would be fine because I had Paige coming two of the morning he was away. I had planned on getting all of the necessary household chores like laundry, quick errands, dinner prep, cleaning, etc. done while she was here so that I could just focus on the kids when I was here alone with them. Unfortunately Paige called first thing Monday morning and asked if she could have the week off. Long story short, she was able to swing a last-minute trip to the beach with her family. I was happy for her, but so sad for me! The timing could not have been worse.

I quickly worked myself into a state of worry and dread. How was I going to keep everyone happy completely by myself? What was I going to do if Drew needed to potty or had an accident while I was nursing Katie? How was I going to handle bedtime without Ben to tag-team with? What would it be like taking Luke and Drew and Katie with me to Gracie's gymnastics class? What if we needed something from the store?  What if Gracie and Luke spent their week arguing because they were not kept busy enough? I pictured four kids unhappy and neglected. I pictured myself feeling completely overwhelmed and exhausted. I pictured us all completely stir-crazy because I didn't think we would go anywhere.

Happily, the exact opposite has happened. We really have had a pretty good week. I would even go so far as to call this week a blessing in disguise. Ever since Kate was born, I have been nervous about mothering four kids. I needed this experience because now I know that I can. I am feeling much more confident in my role as mother of four.

Not that it has been easy and not that I can claim to have handled every moment with grace. I did not win any Mother-of-the-Year awards, but we made it. I relied heavily on Gracie and Luke to help with Drew during the times I was most busy with Katie. I had many moments when I felt completely torn wondering who needed me the most at that moment. I did some creative nursing- most notably while helping Drew clean himself after pooping on the potty. I read the kids bedtime books over Katie's sobs as I tried to burp her one particularly fussy evening. I wore a Moby anytime that we went anywhere and bribed Drew with lollipops to sit happily in his stroller when I needed him contained in public. (It wasn't pretty, but I managed quite a few outings this week since we were getting a little stir crazy at home. We went to the park, we had a picnic, we went to the grocery store, we went to the children's resale shop, and we went out for Fazoli's.) We had musical beds going on one of the nights, but I did manage to get and keep everyone rested all week long. I even managed to help Drew get through the week without a single potty accident.

We made it.

Whew.

I fear this post might come off as looking for a pat on the back or an atta-girl, but it truly is not written with that intention. I am just so thankful that the week has gone as smoothly as it has and I feel such relief knowing that I can handle this responsibility, especially because Ben just found out that his job is going to begin to require even more travel. (We found this out on Monday, right at the start of what I thought was going to be Hell Week. Again with the perfect timing...) After this week, though, I realize that although I certainly don't look forward to his being away from home even more than he already is, we can handle it.

Since beginning this rather wordy post, Gracie, Luke, and Drew have finished painting, had a popsicle, and headed to the basement to play Scooby Doo. Katie has woken up, nursed, spit up all over herself, had a change of diaper and outfit, and has fallen back asleep on my chest in her Moby. My goodness it takes so long to get anything- even a blog post- done around here! Such is life, right?

Happy Friday! Hope your weekend is wonderful!