thoughts
on my life these days, October 2021, in no particular order-
1. My life as a 44 year old mother of four is tiring, but a completely different tiring than my life as a 34 year old mother of four was. I have too many thoughts on this statement to elaborate. I keep typing and deleting.
2. Ben pointed out over the weekend as we celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary that we've been married for half of our lives. I don't completely remember what life without Ben as my partner felt like.
3. Nobody warned me about the lack of sleep that comes with teenagers. I wait up until they get home, so this means that I am consistently up later than I would like to be.
4. I frequently wonder lately what's up next for us. This is the absolute longest we've ever gone without a major change up; whether a relocation, a new baby, a new house, or a new job, we've always shaken things every year or two. (And, in case you are thinking, "Didn't you just send a child off to college? Isn't that a shake up?" Yes, it is, but not one I'm loving. I am NOT yet used to a chunk of my heart living somewhere else. I choose not to count that particular shake up. ) I kind of feel like something big is on the horizon, but I just can't see it yet.
5. After a too-long break, I'm back to regular exercise. A good friend and I meet three days a week to lift weights together. When we first started six weeks ago, I was super frustrated by how much my body has changed since leaving the gym in March of 2020. I am slowly (very slowly) accepting where I am now while also working hard to get better.
6. I feel like I spend a ridiculous amount of mental energy these days worrying about parenting teenagers. Specifically parenting newly-thirteen year old teenagers. Specifically those named Drew.
7. We are struggling, majorly, with uncertainty about what to do with our Decatur house. When we purchased it one year ago, we thought we would have so much more time to spend there than we are now finding to be the case. These days our calendar is full and the house sits unused for weeks on end. I've been there one night in the past eight weeks. Ben and I know we need to finish the last of the big projects so we can decide what needs to be done next.
8. The pandemic has caused it to be not as common to have people in our home as it used to be. The kids still have a few friends each that come over, but in general, it's mostly just us in the house. I think we've had a group of adults over twice since March 2020, and that was outside. This shift is probably the reason that I was so weirded out when I was approached last week by someone wondering if we would put our house on the Holiday House Tour that is a big school fundraiser in Webster. My answer was an immediate and definite no. The thought of strangers in this space that has been our safe place for a year and a half now makes me a little panicked, truthfully.
9. We have a cat in the house. I never, ever thought I would be a cat owner. I guess, really, I'm not the cat owner since Z is Luke's cat, but, as Kate likes to joke, I am a cat grandmother. I still know basically nothing about cats, but I have learned that they can be awfully cute.
10. Some of the parents of my preschoolers ask me questions about parenting. They are young and new and fresh and adorable parents and they look at me as if I have some special answers and advice tucked away that will make their lives instantly easier. It doesn't feel like that long ago that I was the young mom taking Gracie to her preschool. Time is a funny thing.
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