approaching the end of an era

I am overcome with emotion sometimes when I realize that Kate is my last little one at home with me. The thought of all four being off at school all day, every day next year brings tears to my eyes. When I realize that soon I won't have cute little chatter and a constant sidekick during the weekdays, I feel so very sad.

I have had a little one at home with me for twelve years now. There just hasn't been a time when at least one of my babies wasn't with me full time. My life has been shared for so long that the thought of the end of this era is more than a little overwhelming. A preschool mom friend of mine was saying the other day how she realized we only have four more preschool tuition checks to write (no bill in May) EVER. I have been writing preschool tuition checks for as long as I can remember, so this was a very strange concept.

Kate is my baby, but she is quickly growing up. Many of the staples of my life for twelve years- diaper bag, sippy cups, booster seats, bibs, etc- are no longer needed in our house. Some toys that were well loved for a decade no longer get any play and suddenly seem a little young for my crew. Everyone in the house can (mostly) put on their own clothes, find their own shoes, brush their own teeth, use the restroom independently, and play without supervision. Except for the occasional occurrence, I no longer carry anyone in my arms.

It's a change for this momma who has needed to be so hands on for so many years. And, just to clarify, I am still very busy with the raising of these four humans, it's just a different kind of busy. It's less labor intensive and more about emotional and moral connection. I love this stage too, but can't help missing the stage I am used to.

I snapped this picture of Katie at the grocery store last week. It is our routine to get groceries together on Monday while everyone else is at school. She LOVES when she gets to use the cart and help. She gets smiles from every senior citizen we encounter, which at this particular store on Mondays seems to be half of Webster Groves. The lady at the deli always gives her a slice of salami and the lady in the bakery has a cookie for her. She gets stickers at the check out and a bag to carry to the car on her own. She loves it and so do I. I will so miss this next year when she is off at kindergarten.

Growing up is necessary, I know, but hard on mommas. Luckily, I adore the big kids they are becoming, so every time I get too sad about the changes, I can remind myself how very proud I am of the people they are growing up to be.